| An April Fool's Joke? |
[Apr. 1st, 2005|01:44 pm] |
Howdy, strangers! Just thought I should let you all know that the most eligible bachelor this side of my keyboard is taking himself off the market. Jill and I got engaged this week. Don't believe me? Yeah, it's April 1, and given that I've been known to post some pretty mean April Fool's jokes in the past, you would be wise to doubt my sincerity. But I can show you pictures of the ring if that will help.
Yeah, it's for real. |
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| I'm the Baddest Mo' Fo' in Hot Topic |
[Dec. 10th, 2004|09:04 pm] |
Hi all, long time no post and all that. Anyway, I came across something mighty amusing today: some guy with a blog on xanga.com calling himself "Malachi The Almighty" made an entry a few months ago in which he stole a picture of me from my website and made up a story about meeting me in Hot Topic and then getting into a brawl with me. Apparently, I won, because he ended up with a bunch of stitches and a swollen eye, and I didn't feel a thing. In fact, I don't even remember the incident. Because he made it up. I have no idea who this guy is. I doubt we even live in the same state, and I certainly haven't been inside a Hot Topic recently.
Go see for yourself.
The picture he stole is one I took of myself about a year and a half ago in a stupid "badass" pose. You can see it on my website. (Yeah, it's a really stupid picture, I know.)
I love that we had our little scuffle at Hot Topic. That's hilarious. Classic. I'm still chuckling.
In other news that isn't nearly so amusing, I've been baking a lot of sourdough bread recently, I broke my oven, and then, just about 10 minutes ago, I fixed my oven. Quite the handy man with the hands, if I do say so myself. I'm pretty good in a fight too, or so rumor has it. Too bad I'm a "goddam conservative punk".
Oh, I can't stop laughing. It hurts. He's got me in stitches! |
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| Time is a social construct |
[Sep. 2nd, 2004|10:02 pm] |
OK, so I've been conspicuously absent from LiveJournal for, um, a long time now. But, for better or for worse, several of my inexplicably loyal readers have pestered me into returning. At least for one post.
( So check out what I've been spending my time on. It's really cool. )
This weekend, happily, I am going on a well-deserved vacation. VAY-KAY-SHUN. Island. Beaches. Boardwalk. That sort of thing. (No hurricanes.)
When I return, will I post again to LJ? Or will I disappear again into apparent oblivion, only to resurface once more when you least expect it? Only time will tell... |
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| And ye shall tremble |
[Feb. 5th, 2004|01:15 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Sixteen Horsepower - Black Soul Choir | ] |
I have mastered the art of Oven Spring.
oven spring, n. The very rapid rise that occurs when yeast bread is first placed in a hot oven, caused by the final passionate respiration of millions of yeast cells as their lives climax in an orgasmic metabolic rush brought on by the heat of the oven, just before the dough reaches approximately 130 degress Fahrenheit (54 C), at which point their brief existences of unknowing servitude are brought to a rapid and violent end. Oven spring is maximized by proper dough consistency, kneading, fermentation, and loaf formation, resulting in an elastic dough with a tight-wound but extensible gluten network surrounding pockets of fermentation gasses, resulting in a spring-like expansion in the oven.
FEAR ME! FEAR ME AND MY ENORMOUS, LOFTY LOAVES! |
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| Gives new meaning to the term... |
[Sep. 18th, 2003|08:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | My butt hurts from sitting on it all day | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Francis Dunnery - Too Much Saturn | ] |
If I had this plate, I think I'd serve dinner on it whenever I had company over. It would be an excellent conversation starter, if nothing else.
I have added the inscription ("Ogni homo me guarda come fosse una testa de cazi") to my profile page, which I think is rather appropriate, don't you?
Thanks to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) deftly for the linkage. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 18th, 2003|04:03 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Explosions, more wind | ] |
*BOOM*
*BOOM*
*BOOM*
[That was the sound of three electrical transformers exploding, in quick succession, right down the street from me. Imagine a Howitzer cannon firing, and that's about what it sounds like. It was loud enough that I felt it in my chest even through the windows. But I still have power, so it couldn't have been very close, so it must have been very loud indeed.]
Other than that, this storm has been a bit boring here, as hurricanes go, and the worst of it seems to have past. I'm still getting some rather strong wind gusts, but there's been a lot less rain than I expected. Perhaps that's still to come.
I'm going to hit the roads again in a bit to check on andyhat's house since he's out of town. Aside from more wind and some fallen limbs/trees in the road, I suspect the greatest hazard on the road right now is all the idiots. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 18th, 2003|12:25 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  angry | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Wind and Rain", composed and performed by Hurricane Isabel | ] |
LISTEN TO ME YOU COGNITIVELY-IMPAIRED DIMWIT FREAKS:
When a traffic light loses power, THE INTERSECTION BECOMES A FOUR-WAY STOP. This is not a rule, not a guideline, not just the thing to do if you're feeling nice and considerate. THIS IS THE EFFING LAW. Ignoring the law is -- you guessed it -- ILLEGAL, in addition to being really freaking dangerous. This is especially true when several traffic lights are out around town and the roads are a bit wet because of that little fall shower known as Hurricane Isabel.
Christ, I can't believe these people. They just blow right through the intersection without even slowing down. If the traffic light is off, they assume, then it's just as good as a green, right? STOP TO THINK ABOUT THAT A MOMENT, YOU GODDAM BUFFOON. And hey, if the guy ahead of me went through without slowing down, it must be OK, right?
Why does this happen? Motorized vehicles have only been present as a selection pressure on humans for a blink of an eye on the evolutionary timescale. The gene pool hasn't had time to adjust yet, apparently. |
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| The Cult of KFC |
[Sep. 11th, 2003|07:24 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | frightened | ] |
Have you been inside a Kentucky Fried Chicken recently? I ate at one
today and experienced a startling and disturbing revelation: KFC has turned
into nothing short of a shrine to Colonel Harland Sanders.
Dear readers, allow me to warn you that what you are about to read may
be disturbing and difficult to believe, but I assure you that in the
interest of journalistic integrity, and for the future good of all
mankind, what I offer here is the pure and uncensored truth:
There is a Cult of The Colonel, and I fear that this cult threatens
our very existence as a civilized people.
( If you think I'm being remotely serious here or are at
all offended by this, you need to remove that blockage from your
rectum ASAP. ) |
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| Being lazy is hard work |
[Sep. 8th, 2003|09:19 pm] |
My life as an unemployed lout is so incredibly cool that I apparently don't have time for LiveJournal. Actually, there's a lot of stuff I'd like to post about, but somehow I actually have been busy. I still don't get that.
Anyway, I just happened to come across something so incredibly, amazingly cool that I just have to share. The world is definitely a better place now that this marvel of science, engineering, and aesthetic design is available to the general public. In 10 years EVERYBODY will have one. Truly revolutionary.
Props to skome (who has no blog) for the scoop on what he describes as "an idea so dumb it's right off the moronometer." |
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| Didja miss me? |
[Sep. 1st, 2003|08:16 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Mmmm... car funk | ] |
I am back from West Virginia. I'll bet none of you even noticed I was gone. And if you did, you probably found yourself thankful for the silence.
Well, your break from me is over. I took 596 pictures during the trip. Five hundred ninety-six. Keep in mind that this was only a three day trip, and two of those days were mostly spent driving.
I'm going to expect you all to look at each and every one of those pictures and provide a rating and insightful comment on each. Otherwise, you shall be forever stricken from my friends list! [OH HORRORS!!!!!] (OK, just kidding. I'm too lonely to strike anybody from my friends list.)
Yeah, so I'm not gonna post them all. I'll probably kill half of them or more as not worth anybody's time. But damn, just going through all those pics, making my selections, and then cropping and scaling them is going to take hours. It's a good thing I'm unemployed, eh? |
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| When bad companies go worse |
[Aug. 29th, 2003|01:23 pm] |
My friend Sam, on the subject of SCO's recent insanity:
"I see a company with a huge dildo in its hand, anally violating itself every five minutes, but missing a lot." |
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| How Appropriate |
[Aug. 26th, 2003|10:49 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | f'ing happy, apparently | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Lisa Gerrard - Persian Love Song | ] |
WonderClown
is happy. |
| You're a rosy-cheeked ray of f'ing sunshine 24/7. I bet you smile a lot and little things don't get you down. Must be nice. Fuchsia's definitely your color. |
brought to you by interim32. wanna know your livejournal's mood ring
color? enter your username and hit the button.
|
Livejournal Mood Ring
Uncannily accurate! I was just thinking how awesome my life is!
Although, it is true that I don't let things get me down, little or big. But rosy-cheeked? Smiling a lot? Uhhh, not even on a good day.
Also...fuchsia? Never in a million years. |
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| Photo update of the week |
[Aug. 25th, 2003|09:11 pm] |
I've got another batch of photos up. This one includes a couple of shots of the car accident I was in last week, so you can all check out the damage to my car. There are also a few nice macro (close-up) shots in this batch, and of course I am continuing my obsession with pictures of the sky.
Many of you look at these. Few of you provide ratings or comments. Those in the former group but not the latter suck. |
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| This is not how it's supposed to work |
[Aug. 25th, 2003|07:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Air - All I Need | ] |
I have a full schedule tomorrow. It starts with me being at the office at 8:00 in the morning, and I'm then pretty much scheduled all the way through late evening with various and sundry tasks. [Various and sundry, mind you. Not just various, nor merely sundry.]
That might not seem entirely unusual, except for the fact that I'm unemployed. It's especially disturbing since when I actually got paid to be there, I was rarely at the office before 9:30.
Also, I stayed rather busy today. What's up with that?
(And because I know you want to ask, I need to be at the office that early to meet the guy who's going to estimate the cost to fix my car. Said car happens to be sitting in the parking lot at my former place of employment.) |
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| Christopher Walken is the coolest man alive |
[Aug. 22nd, 2003|11:53 am] |
Christopher Walken is the coolest man alive. Aside from me, of course. (Watch the whole video. The ending is the best part. Aside from the beginning. The beginning is even better. The middle is so-so.)
No really, I truly love this man. Even the really terrible movies he's been in have been worth watching, just for him. If I were gay, I would rape him.
After you've watched that, watch this.
Thanks to deftly for the links.
UPDATE: Apparently, this is a couple of years old. I am out of touch with pop culture. See comments for more details. |
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| Lightning never strikes twice in the same place |
[Aug. 22nd, 2003|11:28 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Blissful denial | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | I can't afford music | ] |
I think God is trying to send me a message. That message might be something along the lines of "Stop being an atheist, you damned heathen!"
So as of today I am proud to once again count myself in the ranks of the unemployed.
Getting back to that divine wrath thing -- you might not want to stand too close to me for at least a few weeks.
Let's look on the bright side: I hated this job. It was taking me nowhere, it was boring, and it was annoying. Also, being unemployed means I can enjoy cheap, uncrowded weekday matinees, go the the gym during non-peak hours, cook my own meals, and generally slack off. It's not all bad. For a little while.
So yeah, if you know of any leads on a software developer/architect job in the RTP area, preferably one where I don't have to have anything to do with Windows, let me know. My specialties: Really, really big databases (2+ TB, Oracle), UNIX of all 31 flavors, Java, C/C++, Python, XML, and generally anything other than Microsoft crap (i.e., no MFC, ASP, VB(A), .Net). |
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